tribute to a tough woman

A sense of loss is there for sure, even though I may be forgiven for showing no overwhelming grief. I was not as emotionally attached to Late Sudha Khanduja. Not as much as her other son-in-law, son and daughters. Though I did admire my mother-in-law, who passed away this Thursday, if only for her steely resolve

It was a resolve hidden in her soft persona. She was very caring and considerate, even to those she was not related by blood. She was so tough that in last three months, even as she was confined to bed, hospitals and ICU, she never once lost her will to live. In her last days, she very well knew what was in store, but never lost her smile, and concern for her children.

Living with a husband who got transferred again and again because of his honesty, and also rigidity (possibly, stupidity to relations and well wishers) in following certain norms, is not easy. Especially when you have three children to take care of. She singlehandedly ensured that their education did not suffer and right values were inculcated. Today one is a software engineer and other two are lecturers in Delhi University.

Everyday we read about heroes and heroines, but millions of such women go unnoticed. The women who make such heroes and heroines, and perish away. Late Sudha Khanduja was one such person. Thought, some people in my circle, who have never met her, should know this.

Though I have not cried even once, but I deeply mourn her loss. May her soul rest in peace. Her lifelong sufferings, labour, resolve, and still a cheerful spirit and zest for life is a great education in living.

THE NEW POLITICAL ORDER!

Have you seen children squabbling for property even before their ailing father is gone, or the body of the departed soul has been laid to rest.

I am sure most of you must have come across such instances before. And, for sure, would have found the situation extremely repulsive. Some children won’t wait till all the rites are completed as they won’t like other to have a headstart in the race for lucre.

Our political parties are no different. Pre-poll alliances hold no sanctity. Shameless courting is the order of the day. They won’t wait for May 16. They did not even wait for May 13 to be over! Even after two or three phases, the attempts to form new alliances had begun.

Come on man. Respect your old alliance partners. Respect the voters (the ailing dad). The poor voter has already made his will. Hold till you read the will!

Remember the days of eighties and nineties. When despite all skepticism, you had held on to your partners. If this is what 21st century is all about, then the 20th was far better despite all its problems!

THANKS GOD I AM WHAT I AM

When I see the world around me, I feel grateful to the God for making me what I am. And I am also grateful to my family and some close friends for making me what I am.

It is tough to survive in this world full of hostile forces all round…but that is the challenge as well. And that challenge can be taken head-on if we realize that we all are part of the same cosmos.

In this cosmos, good and evil exist side-by-side and both are integral to its existence. There are times when sheer persistence of the good overcomes the ill-effects of evil. And there are times evil will win. But that should not make us dispirited. It is important to do what one believes is right.

Our lives are miniscule in this ever-expanding, everlasting universe. But that does not make them meaningless. One good here, and one good there makes them worthwhile. Hundreds years from now, more than 99% of the present humanity will be gone. Only things that will remain are the worthwhile deeds.

stocks and life

When stock markets celebrated new year with gusto, who could have thought that within days all dreams will tumble…and in less than a year, the valuation will come down to less than a half!

Anyone predicting this ghastly scenario must have been termed a buffoon…a rotten pessimist who did not deserve to live as a thinking human being.

Now, the mankind must be convinced, more than ever, about the fallibility of their castles built on arrogance and misplaced beliefs.

The operation of stock markets is no different from life – daily ups and downs. Sometimes there are significant movements upward, but one can be rest assured that downward journey is on the cards.

On the rosier side….if there is a downward journey, it may also turn out to be a stepping stone towards a more robust jump to the top. A jump which may be `staying and solid’, if not `spectacular and gravity-defying’

One lesson which life can take from stock markets. There is no rock bottom in an average life…as much as there is no summit.

Existential Dilemma

To understand the nature of this world is really tough. So our response to it is often confused and varied. Sometimes it (the world) attracts us like a real magnet. And at times, one desires to renounce anything and everything.

This dialectics between affinity and revulsion defines our very existence. Generally our moments of triumph mark our affinity, while revulsion usually comes after some really painful events. Though it is not a set rule, but generally this is the way it is. Only saints can enjoy a feeling of revulsion (renunciation) in their moments of triumphs. But they must surely be on the verge of extinction in today’s world.

The best way to live should be by enjoying both the states of existence. But there is nothing better then enjoying your moments of despair. That only can be done by counting one’s blessings. What’s a bloody life without its share of trials and tribulations. Is not that the reason why rich and famous often perish in pursuit of thrill and adventure? Too good is too bad at times.

If life is understood as one small stretch between two infinite existences which one is not yet aware of, it can be led in a much better way. Unfortunately, most people are too much obsessed with the present to lose very sight of the pleasure that must come along with it. Intrigues for fast bucks and cozy life, as well as their insecurities, dominate their existence, which can spoil the very idea of a perfect life.

Think of eternity

Just think of a situation where you are only few minutes away from death. Try and think that you are taking nothing away from this world, leaving your wife/husband and children behind. You do not know what will happen after few minutes, but you will surely lose all you ever had. You will also not know whether you will vanish or be born as human or bird or some animal or insect. But surely you will be leaving all you have earned to be enjoyed by the others.

Just think of it. Hard and deep. You will really feel some kind of change. But think of this situation without any interruption from your cell, subordinates or colleagues. It will change your perspective, your world. After all, how many times every day do you remember your deceased friends and relatives, even parents.

So be good and live the moment.

So many times it happens in life....

At times you feel that you deserve something but still do not get your due.

Often, what you feel you deserve get stolen, and you can’t do anything about it.

That becomes very demoralizing, leading to irrational thought processes.

A calm mind does overcome even a storm, but when the storm is brewing, keeping it calm does need very strong character, and little bit of support.

That is why reading religious scriptures, and listening to religious discourses is very important. They may not be the word of God, and only written by sages, but they are definitely the balm that soothes the mind.

The Real Greatness...

The real essence of life, and your comprehension of it, lies not just in trusting people

It is in trusting people who, you know, can repeatedly betray you.

And still you trust them again and again! Even at the cost of being branded a fool.

This is the real understanding because this approach of yours shows your abiding faith in human character. It confirms your belief that even the most hopeless cases are not beyond redemption.

Stories in this blog in January

That sense of invincibility...
You are never on your own...

That sense of invincibility...

It is inevitable to feel invincible most of the time.

When in the pink of your health, do you ever believe that you will fall sick. Or worse, die.

This thought never crosses the mind and hence results in all the ills of this world.

But that is how we are biologically made up. We never believe something bad can happen to us until it happens.
Those who realise this 'biological fog', that envelops our essence, also realise that only doing good will give lasting peace, and not being evil.

And only this realisation leads to good deeds, and lasting peace.

You are never on your own...

The only time one is on his own is when one has been cremated!

For the rest of the life, you need the other life to support you, feed you, help you, interact with you.

That life could be humans, animals, plants....anthing fuelled by the living cells.

So never say you are on your own. You will only be inviting a living death.

You always need someone, so look out for that someone if he or she is not already in your life.

Never ever try to be on your own.

Posts in this Blog

I am my own favourite!
May This Christmas and New Year endow you with.......
When You are DOWN....
Behave like a Superwoman/Superman
Is retaliation the right policy!
Have half of what you like!
Perfectionism is the enemy of good
The ''Oil of Indifference''
There is no meaningless Existence
Is Happiness just a state of mind?
GOD IS A COMEDIAN.....
What is Grace
Laugh honey laugh

I am my own favourite!

It does touch one’s heart when the simple, down-to-earth, but ebullient female lead of a latest hit Jab we met (When we met), proudly proclaims ‘’Haan, Mein Apni Faouvrite hoon! (Yes, I am my own faourite)’’

Played by Kareena Kapoor, the girl, symbolizing purity and simplicity, is a rare species today. The pressure to be smart is simply too much. Also rare is the ability to love oneself and be one’s own favourite.

Usually, we delude ourselves into believing that we are our own favourite even as we are only going on a self-destructive path. The movie conveys the simple message that the most important thing is to be one’s own favourite without spoiling other people’s happiness.

The lady does not seek to destroy other people’s life in order to be happy. She does not take sadistic pleasure in order to be her own favorite. In fact, her ‘favouritism for herself’ comes from laughing all the time, and attempting to give some good (even if not so welcome!) advice.

Her spontaneous honesty touches the heart, and that is the beauty of her portrayal which one so much loves to see in real life.

May This Christmas and New Year endow you with....

Assertiveness to do what you want.

Benevolence to care and share

Credibility, to ensure people look up to you.

Deity’s blessings because one can always do with some help from above!

Ability to remain Entertained with things you cherish most…be it wine, wealth and…lets leave it at that!

Facilities to turn promises into performance.

Generosity and Gentle nature because that separates humans from monkeys!

Heady feeling that you are the best and as one said about Dev Anand, the cynosure of your own eye.

Relative Integrity. Relative because absolute will be fatal while no integrity will turn one into an animal

Lack of Jealously, because ultimate thing is presenting a Jet to your wife on her birthday, which you can do only if Mukesh adopts you!

Save your life from K serials. They are such a waste, next only to…..well Kirket (Cricket) matches!

Luck..fortunes favours the brave who are lucky

Mental peace. That ensure that you are living a reasonable life, and more importantly, happy with it.

Non-cooperation with the wrong. You may not fight them, but you can resist them by not being seen on their side.

Oomph factor. Well. Beauty is a fact, not just a piece of fiction, which lies in the eyes of the beholder.

Privileged status coming by virtue of your reasoned approach, not just speculative thinking

A mind that Questions. Only the ones in grave don’t!

Republican thinking. Just see the fate of the neighboring country to see what I mean.

Sensitivity. Being thick-skinned is not a virtue.

Tireless in whatever you do. Efforts will make you happy, even if they don’t yield the desired results

Underplaying others’ faults. Else you will keep counting where others are going wrong throughout your life. Set your house in order first.

Appreciating what is Vintage. Possessing sense of history and appreciation of the beauty of the past is the most remarkable attribute of a human being.

Wellness that is Wholesome. Can anything be better?

X-factor. How can life be complete without it!

Heart to Yield to arguments. Stubbornness does not pay.

Ability to keep doing things that add Zing to your life.

When You are DOWN....

...It is important to learn from a brave heart I saw today
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Today, as I was walking down the stair of a mall in New Delhi (which opens to a main road), I heard a sudden burst of laughter from some youth going in two rickshaws (a man-driven vehicle still used for commuting in many parts of the Indian subcontinent).

And the ‘target’ of their attention was a young lady, who had just tripped over an Iron bar. Luckily, she was not badly hurt but continued with the dusting of her cloths for a minute or two. Most shamefully, the guys continued to laugh till their rickshaws went out of sight.

That is what the life is all about. When you are down, most people will venture to pull you down further, or just laugh at your state. That is in the nature of most of us. One may feel like a tiger trapped in a zoo. Even a child in her mom’s lap will laugh and mock at him.

But that girl was a tough character. She was least embarrassed by all the unwanted attention from those despicable characters. And when she resumed her walk, she was as confident and unembarrassed as she would have been the moments before she tripped over that bar.

It is important for everybody to have the confidence that she had. After all, don’t we trip over so many times in our lives? Have, I don’t give a damn, attitude. Nothing else will work ever.

Behave like a Superwoman/Superman

And you can do that by discovering your own qualities

In last three days I watched two movies – a repeat watch of Hollywood blockbuster Pretty Woman, and Bollywood’s arguably biggest grosser Om Shanti Om.

As I was getting carried away by some good performances, and some average ones but which struck popular note, I once again (for the millionth time) realized that everybody can’t be as handsome as Richard Gere, as popular as Shah Rukh Khan, or as glamorous as say Julia Roberts.

But then there is no harm in thinking that you are as good as these guys. I am not trying to advise you to be haughty or arrogant, but having tremendous self-belief is always advisable

After watching such movies on larger than life screen, in our own unique ways we comb our hair in style, purchase some stunning outfits, and seek to acquire some confidence, but it does not last for very long time. Soon we are back to where we are, ordinary mortals grappling with everyday problems.

But then the important thing is to respect yourself for your qualities – the qualities which may not make lots of money or generate popularity, but these are what these people may not have. They are worth holding on to for a very very long time. But which are these qualities, that is something you have to discover yourself.

It is very important to respect yourself for what you are because your uniqueness is greater than anything anyone else has ever achieved. Do not compete with them. Compete with yourself to be better than what you are.

Is retaliation the right policy!

Non-violence is a myth in the sense that there is no absolute non-violence. At some point of time it become futile, and self-defeating, to exercise non-violence. Had West not retaliated, Hitler would have swamped the world and kept if for decades. Had Pandavas not retaliated, the world would have been a different place altogether, and in a negative way.

At the same time, Non-violence is a reality in the sense that the world can't exist without some kind of non-violence. People must be given adequate opportunity to feel ashamed of their conduct and reciprocate. Abolition of death penalty in some countries is also a non violent way of ensuring that even the most despicable of criminals get reformed in due course of time.

So it become extremely difficult to take a call when to be non-violent, and when to be violent (in self-defense). But one thing is clear, violence can not be condoned for anything but self-defense and self-respect and one has to be absolutely sure about the rightful conduct.

An year ago, there was a movie Lage Raho Munnabhai (a blockbuster) on how to practice Mahatama Gandhi's principles, where a goon, trying to save an old people's house, is slapped on the right cheek by the guard of a real estate shark. He does not give it back because ''Gandhiji had said that if someone slaps you on one cheek, show him the other cheek.''

But when he is slapped on the other cheek, the goon (played by Sanjay Dutt) gives it back in his own grand way. He retaliated because ''Gandhiji had not said what to do when someone slaps on the other cheek too!''

So there can't be any absolute non-violence. However, it should be abandoned only under extreme circumstances.

Have half of what you like!

It is easy to preach when you are rich, but then one must give attention to it if it makes sense. Where it comes from does not matter. So it was interesting to hear what socialite couple Yash and Avanti Birla (of the famous Birla family of India) had to say on Spiritualism.

''Spirituality is the foundation of life, writes Yash, and adds that just because one is spiritual does not mean one can't have any material possession.''

His idea is to maintain a fine balance. ''If I like 10 things, I should indulge in five of them.''

It is very important to understand this. Just having half of what you like will take the greed out of the equation (provided you can afford what you like). The rest of the money can be used for Charitable purposes, or on the needy ones.

Equally important is the connection of spiritual with material. It does take a great deal of effort to establish this connection. But those who manage it are able to enjoy the fruits of their labour at the same time without getting too much connected with it.

I must end here with what Avanti has to say.

''I can buy as much jewellery or furniture as I want to. But what next. You can't sleep with it or take it to god...''

Sure, to sleep peacefully, you need as little Jewellery on your body as possible.

Perfectionism is the enemy of good

Delegate because even God delegates. He sends his messengers to take the message of good. Experience also teaches us that things can never be perfect. There is always a better way of doing things.
---------------------------------------------------

He is a perfectionist. We hear this often about people who seek to excel in their life. Not surprisingly, many of them, as we find, are fearful of delegating because they are afraid that things may not go the way they want them to be. They want everything to happen to the minutest detail in the way they wish it should be done.

But this attitude, even in a supremely competitive world, is not without its pitfalls. The experience teaches us that the endeavour to reach from good to perfect takes many times more energy than just trying to do something in a good way. So over a period, this becomes telling on our health, impacting it adversely. You reach the pinnacle, but at what cost!

Secondly, the failure to delegate puts too much pressure as individualism takes precedence over the organisational dynamics. One fails to establish a system and long term suffering follows.

Third, the obsession of an individual with perfectionism rules out any healthy discussion, so integral to taking things forward. A perfectionist usually does not believe that someone else can be better.

Take any religion, God sends its men (Avtaars) to spread and preach good values, and fight the evil. Now these avtaars (incarnations) are not God, and can never be as perfect as God. But they have been good enough to do the job which the almighty ordained them to do. And they do it in an extremely competent way.

So please leave aside single-minded pursuit of perfectionism. It could take the fun out of life. In any case, perfect is just a concept. A good and competent job a reality.

The ''Oil of Indifference''

It happens in life very often. People pull you down due to varied factors. Hate, Jealously, vindictiveness, or their own personal reasons.

You can’t prevent the nature taking its course, and human beastility having its say. So what is your option?

The solution is very simple. Just paste the oil of indifference around the faculties integral to your existence, that is the forces of mind. Do not let others take hold of you mind. You might just slip out of their clutches and have your own life.

It is very very important to remain indifferent to things while at the same time caring for them and realizing their importance. With little bit of effort, it can be possible more often than not.

This endeavour will help you in taking balanced approach to life and events as they unfold. Remaining unaffected will be your reward, which is bigger than any prize in the World.

There is no meaningless Existence

"I've just snapped I can't take this meaningless existence anymore. I've been a constant disappointment and that trend would have only continued."

That is what the teenage US Mall shooter at Omaha had written in his suicide note to his parents and well wishers before the loathsome act.

Meaningless existence, well that is something bothers most of us from time to time. Even when we are doing well in life, there is some kind of vacuum which is always there, engulfing us and our day to day affairs in a negative way.

What are we doing in this world. Just feeding and helping ourselves, our family members, our egos? There is always a spiritual vacuum and a feeling of helplessness for not being able to do something much more meaningful.

But then, I believe, that feeling has to be corrected a little. That is how we survived because our parents went through this meaningless (?) existence, and that is how our children will survive because we will go through this meaningless (?) existence.

Bringing up a family in the best possible way is a very meaningful exercise, and imparting children the right values (also making them aware of some practical issues to confront the modern challenges) is equally important.

Else, you will have delinquent, misguided youth eager to press the trigger at the slightest provocation.

Give your children the right education. And that holds good not just for parents, but for teachers and society members as well. This will reduce the chances of ‘’meaningless existence.’’

Lot many people end up just taking care of themselves and their family matters. But if they do it in the right way, they will be serving their maker as much as those who have served the humanity.

Is Happiness just a state of mind?

It is, and it is not. As I punch my keys and write this small piece, I am aware that without modern tools of technology, this piece would not have reached you. And buying these modern gadgets does need some money.

So material things, or money, are certainly important to achieve some kind of happiness. But then, even non-material things constitute a substantial chunk of happiness.

Taking a stroll in the park with whiff of cold air blowing against one’s face can give as much happiness as anything else in this world. Try it, especially in winter, and you will feel the impact.

Sit down, and think of nothing but bliss all around you, and you will realize it.

Try and fall in love with nature, you will understand what I am trying to say.

At the same time, do earn some reasonable amount of money. Reasonable, because after a certain point, the excess fund ceases to have any value.

Balancing life is the most important thing, and the core of our happiness.

GOD IS A COMEDIAN.....

‘’God is a Comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh,’’ says Voltaire

The first thing that hits you is the description of God as a Comedian. Now, is not a Comedian meant to bring happiness to one’s life and take away the misery from it. That is what you expect when you go to a circus, or watch a movie.

But probably God as a comedian has totally different meaning as, awestruck, we watch his magical acts – sometimes pleasant to us and sometime repugnant – with a mix of happiness and horror. He is the ruler and does as it pleases him.

Perhaps, we can understand God better if we take even his acts of, what we perceive as cruelty, as just comedy meant to entertain us. Though it may not always be possible, but sometimes it is, if we realize that this life is just a speck of dusk at his mercy.

Voltaire, by his statement, wants us to enjoy even the misery at times because, after all, it is God’s act.

Life is a comedy of errors and rhapsody of achievements. But they all become redundant when life has completed it course. So try and enjoy each moment of it. Be an audience who is not too afraid to laugh because God, after all, is a Comedian. He does not mean wrong in the long run – and this long run is much much longer than the duration of this life.

What is Grace

Does grace mean standing tall amidst all adversity?

Or it signifies keeping your poise even when the men/women you have helped, admired, loved stab you in the back?

Or does it mean holding on to your values you cherish for as long as you can?

Possibly, it is the mix of all three.

He or She is graceful has got nothing to do with beauty, but with the glow that comes from knowing that you continue to fight all adversity. From birth to the end it is a huge fight against elements.

The biggest challenge to keeping one's grace comes from the inability of the fellow humans to comprehend that nobody lives for ever. So, they tend to make impossible demands on graceful living.

But then the life is a one big challenge fighting these demands. One may not succeed, but it is certainly worth the try.

Laugh honey laugh

''Honey, Laughter is the shock absorber of life''

Do watch out film Bermuda for this single sentence, uttered to overcome utter despondency. Indeed, one may not be able to eliminate shocks from ones life, but the pain gets considerably reduced with one hearty laugh.

The whole world may not laugh with you when you chose to laugh, still the positive vibrations that permeate through your whole body will ensure a lasting peace and solace.

The world is transient. Hundred years from now, most of the humans presently straddling this earth will be gone, but what will remain is our though processess and the laughter that emanated from the bottom of our heart. And that is the most important thing of life.